I still feel this way at times, and I’ve been in the faith for many years. It’s not one cliff, but an endless series of cliffs, a continual rediscovery of our need for something greater than ourselves, and the creaturely dread of opening up to that reality.
This was a refreshingly honest post. I wish you all the best on your journey. There are many churches, many traditions, and it can take time and exploration to see where you (approximately) fit.
This is honest and beautifully captured. I hope you can believe that the Christian life often goes through seasons of doubt or discouragement where our own stream of conscience sounds like yours here.
But it's Christ's goodness that leads us wayward and confused and disoriented sheep home.
Please know that God does see you, does hear you and does love you. If you have a Bible, I would encourage you to read the book of John. In the words of Jesus (John 3:16) “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him."
What a beautiful gift to have the desire to pray and encounter God. He loves you individually and wants you to know and encounter Him. I pray that you persevere in your search for God and am excited to read more about your journey.
I loved how you mentioned the strawberries and how you described your girlfriend (her saintliness & her eyes).
It does seem like God is drawing, calling you into deeper knowledge of Him through His Son Jesus, through the Holy Spirit. It’s wonderful how He does that!
“I just can’t bring myself to step off”.
I still feel this way at times, and I’ve been in the faith for many years. It’s not one cliff, but an endless series of cliffs, a continual rediscovery of our need for something greater than ourselves, and the creaturely dread of opening up to that reality.
This was a refreshingly honest post. I wish you all the best on your journey. There are many churches, many traditions, and it can take time and exploration to see where you (approximately) fit.
This is honest and beautifully captured. I hope you can believe that the Christian life often goes through seasons of doubt or discouragement where our own stream of conscience sounds like yours here.
But it's Christ's goodness that leads us wayward and confused and disoriented sheep home.
Glad you went. Keep writing!
Check out Paul Kingsnorth. Sounds like the beginning of his journey. This is his article in First Things about his experience. https://www.firstthings.com/article/2021/06/the-cross-and-the-machine
I second this. It's a long one, but an absolute ride of a story.
(Due for a re-read, thanks for the reminder!)
Please know that God does see you, does hear you and does love you. If you have a Bible, I would encourage you to read the book of John. In the words of Jesus (John 3:16) “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him."
What a beautiful gift to have the desire to pray and encounter God. He loves you individually and wants you to know and encounter Him. I pray that you persevere in your search for God and am excited to read more about your journey.
I loved how you mentioned the strawberries and how you described your girlfriend (her saintliness & her eyes).
It does seem like God is drawing, calling you into deeper knowledge of Him through His Son Jesus, through the Holy Spirit. It’s wonderful how He does that!